Tag Archives: baking

[WWE Cookbook] Mankind’s Pumpkin Pie

Baking stresses me out. I’ve lived in my home for over a year and I am still not entirely sure how to turn off the top heating element in my oven. It’s too fancy and efficient for me. I don’t understand how it works and haven’t really taken the steps to figure out how to understand. Someday. (Edit: I figured it out.)

This book has a multitude of desserts and about six of them are pies. Unless you’re The Rock, the only acceptable time to eat pie is between November 20 and December 27th. That’s too little a time frame to make six different pies. Plus, some of the recipes are for specific pie lovers. There’s a recipe for something called “Millionaire Pie” and also one for banana cream pie which I am pretty sure no one likes. If you’re that person, let me know and I will make you your very own BCP.

I settled on making Mankind’s Pumpkin Pie for my office’s annual Pie Day. Without a doubt, it is my favorite day at the office and I don’t even really like pie, but I love food and celebrations! Pies are ordered from Petsi Pies, a local, delicious bakery and employees can bring in pies to share and auction off to benefit one of our giving programs at the agency. I bought a giant can of Pumpkin Pie filling at our office’s Senior Pet Store, which sells donated items from the local Target to benefit the program of the same name. With enough pumpkin for two pies, I brought in one to share and one to auction. Kinda. You’ll see.

Before I ventured on this task, I tweeted at Mankind himself, Mick Foley, to do some investigating as to the legitimacy of this recipe. He didn’t respond, but it got a “like!”

FullSizeRender-16I expected more from my friend, Mick Foley. Back in 2010 I met him at a book signing at the BU Barnes and Noble (Awesome Kong/Kharma was also hanging out there, btw.) I’ll admit I wasn’t that familiar with Foley’s in ring work, but I’d read his first three books and loved them. He read from the chapter from “Countdown to Lockdown” in which he discusses his love of listening to Tori Amos’ “Winter” pre-match. When it came time to have him sign my book I could only muster a “I love Tori Amos, too.”

He stopped writing and slowly looked up. “Really?” And that began a ten minute long conversation between Foley and I about our favorite songstress which ended when the book store staff told me that I had to move along so other people could meet him.

I was almost out the door when he called me back in and asked me to lean down towards his good ear. “I just wanted to let you know that you did a really good job. We love not talking about wrestling sometimes.” I’m terrible at meeting famous people so I feel like I redeemed myself.

Foley is probably the best human on the planet. Not only is he engaging, sweet and funny, but he is a volunteer with RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network), an infrequent correspondent on The Daily Show, a best selling author and a Christmas obsessed wannabe Santa Claus. He is the best.

Why should this pumpkin pie be any different? Even if it’s not from Foley himself (I read the contributions in the book), it appeared to be a standard pumpkin pie recipe. I rolled out the pie crust without issue, but I need to work on my edging technique. Next time.

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“Think I’ll remember those pies pies pies. Pies pies pies pies.” – Usher on Thanksgiving.

The pies came out looking a little overdone because of the top heating element and they didn’t look done in the middle when I the timer went off. When I put the knife in, a pretty good chunk of the pumpkin came out with it. I tried to make this look less jank on the other pie by trying to drawn an X and it may have worked. It’s what’s on the inside that counts.

And I have to say. The pie is delicious. I know this because once I realized that I had sliced a line in the pie while checking it’s doneness, I just cut a piece out and ate it. Then I had a slight panic attack about having to bring this in to share with other people so I cut another small piece. This is not normal. I was able to mask this during the presentation by saying that if I ever bring a baked good to your house and a piece is missing, you know I tested it and it’s the bomb.

My co-workers also seemed to like the pie and at auction it sold for $25. I would’ve been happy with anything above $5. Hopefully her friends and family enjoyed it at their Thanksgiving celebration!

So, what to watch when you eat this pie? I would highly recommend 1998’s Survivor Series. The event takes place the weekend before Thanksgiving and Mankind participates in the WWF Championship Tournament facing The Rock, Stone Cold and some others.

I would absolutely make this recipe again. Pumpkin Pie is one of those intimidating recipes, but let me give you a pep talk: You can do this. Just learn from my mistakes. And remember to wear an oven mitt when you take the pie out of the over. If you don’t have one. A Mr. Socko will do.

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From Sportsmockery.com

 

Have a nice day!

 

Record: 9 wins, 3 loses.

 

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[WWE Cookbook] Perry Saturn’s Super Cookies

There are two phrases in this world I refuse to use. The first, “upcycled”, is an elitist hipster way to say “refurbished.” While the term “life hack” is really just advice to make your life easier or a work around or something that’s not a “life hack.” It’s just a new way to do something you were already doing!

No, I cannot explain the prop mop. (Photo: Bleacher Report)

No, I cannot explain the prop mop. (Photo: Bleacher Report)

I’m going to assume that at some point in your life you have baked cookies – either from scratch or from a tube or sheet of dough. Have you ever thought to take a box of cake mix, 1/3 cup vegetable oil and one egg and combine them to make cookie dough? Of course not! Now you know a new way to do something you were already doing.

Not only does this idea allow you to be more creative by choosing mixes like funfetti, red velvet and camouflage, but it’s far cheaper than the alternatives. It also takes zero time to put together while making people think that you spent so much time and your life savings on putting something so visually pleasing together for a low stakes get together. So, how does this miracle life hack stand up against the competition?

M’eh. The fact that I don’t have any pictures of these cookies because I ate them doesn’t really support my claim, but they came out a little wonky.  I’m also probably not making cookies correctly as they turned out to be the size of a quarter. They weren’t as beautiful as I had imagined they would be: hard and brown on the outside, but a little soft on the inside. My niece liked them though and we know that kids will be brutally honest about how food tastes.

Are these cookies really Perry Saturn’s recipe? Who is Perry Saturn? Based on what little information the cookbook provided about him and the fact I had never heard of him, I assumed he was a big, beefy guy signed because of his build who didn’t really contribute much to the state of wrestling. Turns out he’s performed in the four major television promotions: WWE, WCW, ECW and TNA/Impact. He’d held titles in all of those promotions with the exception of TNA/Impact.

Starting my search for facts on wikipedia (where we all know facts live), I was surprised to read this:

In April 2004, Satullo was involved in an altercation with two men when he came to the aid of a woman that they were in the process of raping. He fought the men and was shot with a .25 caliber handgun in the back of the neck and in the right shoulder, to which he originally thought he had received a punch, (as stated in a recent YouShoot) as a result of the scuffle. After being shot, Satullo became addicted to methamphetamine and was homeless for two and a half years. Satullo disappeared from public view and was not seen for several years, with his family and friends unaware of his whereabouts. Satullo reemerged in 2009, having resolved his addiction.

Holy. Cats. What a resilient and beyond decent dude. He’s remarried, healthy and still wrestles on the independents from time to time. I wish him nothing but the best and sincerely hope that he is doing well and continues to face down his addiction.

This dessert is best enjoyed by watching Perry Saturn reign supreme over Eddie Guerrero early in his WWE tenure during WWE Fully Loaded (2000.) This match also serves up a healthy dose of misogyny that had accompanied WWE matches until the early 2000’s  that we still see today, just not as blatant. You can also eat these cookies while fighting crime.

Despite the heroic efforts of Mr. Saturn, I have to give these cookies a thumbs down because they just don’t work. I think they’re good in a pinch if you have a spare box of cake mix around or want to impress your friends with this barely passable life hack.

This cookbook has a record of 4-2.