Everyone make mistakes. Set backs in life are common. Sometimes they’re out of your control and sometimes they’re within your control. A few years ago I made a shawl that had a repetitive but complicated pattern. I had to rip it out completely and start over three separate times. It’s heartbreaking to unravel your work, but in doing so you dissect it and look for where you made those mistakes that threw off the pattern and pay a little more attention the next time.
We’re conditioned to fear making mistakes. Imagine what would have happened if Eminem took his one shot, his one opportunity to seize everything he ever wanted in one moment and failed? He’d probably learn something from it and try again. Take his battle rap skills beyond 8 Mile and into new territory. Maybe not, but let’s just take a moment to realize how great it is that we’re not Eminem. His life is complicated as hell.
Well, I’ve gained some weight. A severe back injury, budding relationship and my biostatistics class complicated my routine of healthy living. I stopped going to Weight Watchers. My Zumba teacher left my gym. My focus changed from wanting to spend time after work on the elliptical to watching 30 Rock reruns with my boyfriend (and eating pizza, usually. Sometimes Thai). I’ve traveled more in the last eight months than I have in the last five years and I ate well. Really well. My clothes started shrinking and walking up a flight of stairs became a chore again.
Yesterday at the gym I took a new set of before photos. I refused to look sad and dejected because I’m not. It took gaining a little weight for me to realize that. I made some mistakes that set me back a little bit and I’m okay with it. I don’t like the way I feel. The differentiation is important. I care enough about myself to want to make myself feel good. Wearing my blue dress with the little sailboats, hiking and dancing are things that make me feel wonderful so my goal is to get to a point where those things are enjoyable once again.
Reviewing the last few months has made me realize what it is that I had done wrong and, really, what I had been doing wrong through my five year weight loss journey. I’m a different person now and I am approaching my goals with a fresh set of eyes and a new perspective. Instead of feeling defeated, dejected or even hating myself, I’m in love with myself. When we feel better about ourselves, whether it’s through our own volition or being lifted up by others, we succeed.
This is really what I have wanted for myself all along.