[WWE Cookbook] Mark Henry’s “Sexual Chocolate” Cake

Guys. I love Mark Henry. Every time I pick the recipe of a current WWE Superstar I become really excited because I can tell you more about how I feel rather than spewing some factoids at you.

aa0e5af4cfmarkhenryMark Henry is a 20 year veteran of the WWE. He joined in 1996 after wrecking powerlifting records and earning the title of Worlds Strongest Man. He is 399lbs of destruction. Mark Henry and I have so many great memories over the years. There was the time he joined forces with Hornswaggle, made a baby with Mae Young that turned out to be a hand when she gave birth and caused a ring collapse with Big Show. He is the only WWE Superstar to have a theme performed by Oscar winners. He’s held the European Championship, ECW Championship and the World Heavyweight Championship. He can and will kill you. That’s what he does.

He’s also responsible for one of my favorite moments ever on Monday Night Raw. (Hint: It involves tears, lies and beating the crap out of John Cena.) Mark Henry, I love you.

So where did ‘Sexual Chocolate’ come from? Well, one of Henry’s story lines during the Attitude Era was that he was a sex addict who lost his virginity to his sister at the age of eight…wait…what the hell?

I’m going to stop here for a minute, because I feel disgusting. There were a few story lines during the Attitude Era that were incestuous. I’m not sure how they got away with it or why they even did them, but those story lines were gross, immature and lazy writing for the sake of shock value. And people, such as myself, wonder why people hate wrestling and think it’s horrible television. Well, it was and sometimes it still is, but it’s nothing like it was in the 90’s because none of that would fly today.

Okay, so the origin story of ‘Sexual Chocolate’ isn’t great, but the cake itself is delicious. I have no segue. I tried though.

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A glistening chocolate cake

When explaining to my co-workers what I was making for our Holiday potluck I refused to refer to it by name and explained it instead. “Oh, that’s a Better Than Sex Cake,” said everyone. Yes, it is. I will not elaborate any further.

The first thing I ever cooked, well, assembled, was a trifle consisting of the same ingredients in my high school home economics class. If this flimsy silver pan isn’t working for you, layer them in a pretty glass bowl.

This is an easy recipe guaranteed to make everyone happy and sugar drunk. The most difficult part of this was finding Heath bars to sprinkle on top.

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My co-workers brought in healthy, delicious dishes. Vegan Mac and Cheese, vegetarian chili, brussel sprouts, tuna salad. I brought an enormous 9X13 pan of diabetes. However, the cake was a hit and provided everyone with a quick sugar spike and subsequent crash to make the day drag on just a little longer.
“Oh, there’s no room in the fridge for it so I guess I need to take it home,” me, at 5pm. “Zzzzzzzz,” me, at 6:12pm.

This cookbook has a record of 11-4.

 

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2 responses

  1. wrestling with breakfast | Reply

    Awesome post!!! Hahaha

  2. Bring on the non-healthy foods! Our late holiday potluck tomorrow is all healthy crap. I’m like, if I’m forced to eat healthy crap I’m at least going to bring mine from home so I can eat it faster and have junk food later.

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